It’s a question as old as time: to meat, or not to meat. I know lots of vegetarians, and just as many former vegetarians who fell off the old meat-wagon. If you were struggling to control your carnivorous instincts, can you think of any smell that would ruin you as quickly as bacon? I can’t. And that’s why Bacon must always be the arch-enemy of Tofu, the champion of Soy, the mother of all bean products.

Now we can all have a reminder of this eternal struggle on our knick knack shelves, thanks to the good folks at Archie McPhee. The masters of making kitsch out of the most common or even sacred objects of our lives, McPhee does not disappoint with these poseable action figures. Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu may be small and vinyl, but they represent the internal conflict that lives in the hearts of many of our fellow beings.

And to those of you endeavoring to solve the great riddle, I suggest you stick with the tofu. More bacon for me.