June 30, 2008 by Brutus

June 30, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products, Most Popular Bacon

I have to be honest with you, readers. My roommate, Marianne, can be a little stingy with the treats. Sometimes I go to the office with her to help out, and for all my efforts I get, like, two treats the whole day. It’s pretty unfair, considering all the support I give her during the day. Fortunately, we have a co-worker named Christine (not the Kevin Bacon-hating Christine, that’s a whole other story.)

Christine seems to really appreciate the work I do around here, and regularly invites me to help out in her office. She’s also plenty generous with the goodies, like these delicious, organic, all-natural bacon and cheddar biscuits from A Dog’s Life. They’re wonderful, like a savory, crunchy cookie. And they’re organic so I can feel good about eating them, even on days when I earn…what, eight biscuits? Plus they’re small, so eight’s really like two. Thank you, Christine, for understanding a dog’s rights and needs. You’re the best.

One really cool thing about A Dog’s Life is that you can submit a photo of your dog, and it could possibly end up on one of their packages! The bag Christine bought has a local dog, Bella, and I think I may be the next best candidate. What do you think of this shot? Don’t I look buff? Do you think I have a chance?

May 29, 2008 by Marianne

May 29, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

I’m a pretty big fan of my dog. I personally bathe him and clean his ears and have spent an ungodly amount of money on his propensity to injure himself. Our house and yard are littered with dog beds and chew toys and fashionable collars and leashes. And treats? Forget about it. The top of the fridge has no fewer than three different varieties at any given time. Further, anytime I can reasonably prepare him a toned-down portion of what we’re having for dinner, I do. My parents think I’m nuts.

And still I can’t say that I ever baked my dog a birthday cake. Check it out! It’s amazing! Pupperoni for candles, and yes, that is real bacon adorning the side of the cake. I was more than stunned when I saw this cake. I was jealous of this professional chef and her dog-spoiling skills. I was sad that my dog never had it so good. And I was a little hungry.

While the chef doesn’t give an exact recipe, she does list the all-natural ingredients. And speaking of the chef, you really should check out the rest of her blog, I Shot the Chef. Lots of great recipe ideas and beautiful photographs of food. And let’s face it, without photographs, recipes can be pretty unmotivating. I have yet to buy a recipe book that wasn’t full of mouth-watering images.

And so a new standard has been set in my life. And though my poor, orphaned dog (whose birth date I don’t even know) will never have a cake that looks this great, his adoption anniversaries are likely to become much more delicious.

May 15, 2008 by Brutus

May 15, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

Hey interweb, sorry I haven’t been around the last couple of weeks. I was sick. Sick of writing for a blog master who doesn’t pay me enough. I’ve negotiated a higher rate of treat payment, so I’m back. At least for today. We’ll see how it goes.

Today’s product appeals to my enjoyment of things not quite attainable, like the birds in the backyard, or catching my own tail. It’s Bubble Buddy bacon-flavored bubbles, and it looks satisfyingly fun. These eye-catching orbs come running at you, and you want to catch them! So you do! And they pop! Which is awesome for me because destroying things is part of my internal code, but I’m rarely allowed to act on that instinct.

These bubbles give me all the fun I look for in a toy: chasing, jumping, and biting. And then, as an added bonus, once they pop on your face or paws, you’re left with the taste of bacon to lick off!. I don’t know about you, but licking is the way I pass most of my spare time. If all my fur tasted like bacon…well, I might end up bald. Yech. That’s an ugly side affect to consider.

Still, with summer coming, this would be a great outdoor activity for your dog. But please use in moderation. Winter will be back eventually and we’ll need that fur to keep warm.

April 24, 2008 by Brutus

April 24, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

Somebody please call my roommates, because they won’t listen to me. I’ve been trying to convince them that pigs ears (like horse hooves and other disposable animal parts) are a perfectly natural thing to give to your dog. Seriously, if I saw a real pig, do you know what I would do first thing? I’d run up and chew on his ears. They look that good.

If you’re unable to convince them, then at least talk them into these fake pigs ears, flavored like bacon: Better Than Ears Smoky Bacon Flavor I seriously doubt they’re as good as, much less better than, real pigs ears. But hey, I’m willing to give it a try. It has to be better than the carob brownies they bought. Yeesh.

In the meantime, don’t tell my roommates that bully sticks are made of bull penis. On second thought, go ahead and tell them what they’ve been handling all these years. They’ll be running for the pigs ears in no time.

PS: Don’t believe me about the bully stick? Go ahead…Google it.

April 17, 2008 by Brutus

April 17, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

So I was “surfing the net” as you humans say, and I found this great photo of a bacon-wrapped cat. Well, I guess that’s an exaggeration, but it is a cat with bacon on it. Was I searching for bacon-wrapped cats? Maybe. The point is, there it is. A Bacon Cat.

My roommates don’t have a cat, but they used to. I hear them talk about her sometimes. I hear them saying they wish they could have another one, which I find utterly exasperating. I mean, hello! You have me, not just a dog but a total wonderdog. But you really can’t tell the roommates what to do; they do not listen to reason. So, in preparation for any more discussion on household additions, I thought I ought to brush up on what kind of cats are available. And I think this is the one for us.

Unfortunately, this is the only Bacon Cat I’ve found and it doesn’t appear to be for sale. So I’m turning to you, faithful reader, to help me find more examples of this delicious intelligent-looking cat. Have you ever seen one? Do you know where we can buy one? Do they come in other flavors? I think we’d be looking to adopt a full grown specimen, the larger the better. I’m a big dog with a hearty appetite. For friendship. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

April 10, 2008 by Brutus

April 10, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

Last night the roommates brought home the BEST. TREAT. EVER. They’re called Bakon Stripz, and like the bag says, they do make me go wacko. Stark-raving, foaming at the mouth insane, in fact. They smell exactly like barbecue sauce, which is odd but none the less wonderful. But then the flavor is more or less like maple-sweetened, hickory-smoked bacon. Great texture. Enticing appearance. This treat has definitely won me over. Seriously, I cannot stop thinking about this heavenly creation.

I feel completely inspired by this new taste sensation. It makes me want to try new things. Maybe a nice cobb salad with crumbled Bakon Stripz. Or perhaps a cheese souffle topped with a criss-cross of Bakon Stripz. Or what about just an entire bowl of Bakon Stripz? The possibilities are endless. Literally. I mean, I’ll take them anyway you want to serve them. Did I mention that I love this treat?

I have to go now. I heard one of the roommates in the kitchen. If I don’t get in there now it may be hours before they remember how adorable I am. But you? You go out and buy this treat. And then bring it to my house. The roommates were just talking about how they wanted to have you over for lobster and champagne. I’ll see you at 7:00. WITH THE TREATS!!

April 3, 2008 by Brutus

April 3, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

I must admit this product has done nothing but confuse me. It smells like bacon. It tastes baconesque. My roommates stuffed brownie treats inside it (really people? bacon and brownies?) but seemed rather aggravated when I tried to eat. Is it a treat? Why does it taste like food if you don’t want me to eat it? Is it some sort of punishment?

I’m constantly befuddled by what I am and am not allowed to do. After lots of sour spray and cayenne pepper, I now take it that chewing on the deck in the backyard is a no-no. And yet they let me chew on small lengths of two-by-four, which is what the deck is made of. Is this human logic? I’m allowed to chase the Kong for hours every day, but never Kong-sized animals. Digging holes at the beach? Awesome. Digging holes in the backyard? I totally get in trouble for that! I’m allowed to chew up and even EAT carrots. But not this bacon thing.

I’m going to go ahead and guess that this is a toy and not a treat. In which case I’ll recommend it for dogs with small, weak jaws. The kind of dog you might buy a blue or even red Kong for. If you have a black Kong dog, do us all a favor and steer clear of this one. Being a dog is hard enough without all these arbitrary mixed messages.

March 27, 2008 by Brutus

March 27, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

My roommates buy a lot of fancy stuff “for me.” Environmentally friendly biodegradable poop bags. (Who cares?) French Vanilla scented shampoo for sensitive skin. (Like I want a bath.) Two dog beds that they for some reason stack on top of each other. What am I, the Princess with the pea? Your bed will do just fine.

You know what I really want, folks? Bacon. Fake bacon. Bacon-flavored cookies. Bacon-wrapped other meats. And oh yeah, bacon gravy for my kibble. You probably think I like dry kibble because I eat it twice a day. But let’s be honest here, kids. If I had thumbs I’d be in the fridge eating cheese ‘til I puked.

The roommates feel queasy about this products’ gelatinous texture, but I say bring it on. The ingredients listed are surprisingly natural and healthy. And hey, YOU don’t have to eat it! So let’s worry less about the form, and more about the function: making me happy. Because really, isn’t that what we’re all here for?

March 20, 2008 by Brutus

March 20, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

My diet is pretty boring. I get some supposedly healthy kibble twice a day, a handful of treats if I look cute enough, and all the water I can drink. Woop-dee-doo. Water. I know my roommates have beer and wine and whipping cream in the fridge, but they are not forthcoming with any of the good stuff. That’s why I’m here to make a case for Bacon Water.

I’ve read the website and don’t know exactly how to get this liquid ambrosia, but there’s a lot of useful crap on there about why it’s good for me, what it’s made from, and why local retailers should consider selling it.

So this is my plea. I’ve seen you humans. You never drink water from a bowl; always from a bottle. I want nothing more than to share your human rights. Please! Call your local pet store and ask them to carry Bacon Water. If dog was man’s best friend before, just think what this will do for the relationship!

March 13, 2008 by Brutus

March 13, 2008 • Filed Under: Bacon Pet Products

I have been asked to guest commentate on the subject of bacon and bacon flavored treats. My hobbies are extensive and include licking my butt and chasing things, but treats are definitely #1 on that list. I happen to be the recipient of numerous daily treatings, and so consider myself something of an expert.

I’ll begin with Purina Beggin’ Strips®. The commercials claim that “dogs don’t know it’s not bacon.” Oh really? I couldn’t agree less. While bacon’s initial flavor is far superior to that of a Beggin’ Strip®, it has a weird, pill-shaped thing in the middle that tastes just awful. But I always forget it’s coming. I literally cannot resist real bacon.

On the other hand, I literally cannot resist Beggin’ Strips®. My roommates always buy different colored bags, asking me would I like regular bacon, or bacon & cheese? I’m also well acquainted with cheese and am here to tell you…they’re getting ripped off. It doesn’t taste like bacon, it doesn’t taste like cheese. It all tastes like the same bag of jerky. Don’t get me wrong, it’s delicious, but I wouldn’t lose any sleep over picking my favorite flavor. Your time would be better spent guessing what I ate in the backyard this morning. Good luck with that.