Did I mention that I love potatoes? Umm…yeah.

What the heck is up with this?!

dancing bacon

This is absolutely fantastic. The Japanese, the craftiest of all scientist, have created a robot with the specific purpose of identifying wines. A mechanical sommelier. Researchers at NEC Systems Technologies and Mie University unveiled this adorable wonder two months ago, with all its quirks.

This little guy doesn’t actually taste the wine it’s identifying. Rather, it can be programmed to recognize the wine’s chemical composition with an infrared light shot straight through an unopened bottle. And it’s capable of identifying more than just wine. When comparing three identical looking apples, it can tell you which is sweet and which is not. We should have one of these in every produce department helping us pick a good melon!

So basically this robot is a food expert. And guess what happened when he “tasted” human flesh? That’s right. A curious reporter’s hand was identified as prosciutto, and his cameraman’s as bacon. Which can only mean one thing. The robots who eventually take over the world will be eating humans! Someone like me will taste just like bacon-stuffed bacon. I don’t stand a chance. Serves me right.

I wonder how I’d taste with a nice Sauvignon Blanc.

Have I mentioned before how much I love potatoes? For many years I was an addict, barely able to prepare a meal without them. I’m a mashed potato expert, but never tell my guests that they’re eating equal parts potato, cream and butter. I want them to enjoy the experience without the guilt.

Sadly, in an effort to keep from buying an entire wardrobe in the next size up, I’ve cut the instances of potatoes in my diet to “infrequent.” And now they’re usually steamed or grilled baby potatoes rather than gooey mashed pillows of heaven. On a very rare occasion, I’ll make a homemade gratin of potatoes and cheddar, a guilty pleasure my husband and I both love. Which brings me to the topic of today’s post: the Potato Bacon Cheddar Tart by Michael Smith of the Food Network Canada. You can find the recipe here at Jumbo Empanadas, a lovely site that I highly recommend for your viewing and drooling pleasure.

You would almost think that a potato and cheese tart couldn’t get any better, but as we all know, BACON MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER. There could be no clearer evidence than this recipe. And so the next time I’m ready to splurge on potatoes, I will have the double luxury of splurging on bacon. I can hardly wait.

Have you heard the latest cautionary tale? Apparently, you should never pack a carry-on bag with bacon. It seems that bacon has “a similar molecular density to certain types of explosives.” One man learned this the hard way at the Linz Airport in Austria. When asked what was in the bag, the man only replied that it was “fat.” Strangely, he later became paranoid that the bacon actually WAS a bomb, planted by his estranged wife who had packed this lunch for him. With enough bacon to set off a bomb dectector.

Cautionary tale #2: Do not let your estranged spouse pack your luggage for you. Please go see the original Nachrichten article, as translated by Google. It is hilariously mangled, making the story even funnier.

While searching the internet for more information about this story, I found something even more off-putting than this carry-on fiasco. According to the Urban Dictionary, a Bacon Bomb is “a wicked silent fart that comes out so hot that it singes the butt hair. It smells like burnt bacon and usually emits a smokey cloud. Easily clears a room and ruins any fun other people are having, but enhances your own fun.” I do believe Brutus is the master of the Bacon Bomb, making this whole Austrian incident seem like child’s play. They should make a bomb detector just for him.

Photo via Gizmodo.com.

When I saw Rachelle Bowden’s post about Bacon Bread at the Blue Ribbon Bakery in New York, I thought, “So simple. So genius.” I never really thought about putting bacon in bread. Mind you, I haven’t made bread in years, but even so. Why didn’t I think of this?

Now the reason I haven’t made bread in recent years is that yeast is my enemy. Every year I make my mom’s butterhorn rolls for Thanksgiving, and they NEVER rise like hers do. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I always end up with these tiny, although still delicious little rolls, too small to make a proper turkey sandwich out of. And so I avoid any serious baking whenever possible. I buy pre-made pie crusts and pizza doughs. And if my husband wants bread, he relies on Oroweat.

And yet…I want bacon bread! What will I do with this dilemma? Hey wait, the internet! The internet is the solution to all my problems. And so I’ve found a quick and easy recipe for semi-homemade, pull-apart bacon cheese bread. No yeast or food thermometers required. And if we don’t tell anyone, they’ll never know how easy it was. I fully intend to claim that I slaved all day making this bread.