Wow! It’s been a hectic weekend, and its going to be one heck of a Monday. Let’s just say it involves major deadlines and multi-paged proposals. And so I will simply start the week with this beautiful photo of a pile of bacon, and wishes that your week may be more bacon than work.

Born in Ireland to English parents, Francis Bacon was a sickly child. He spent much of his unhappy childhood sedated on morphine to battle illness and allergic attacks. As a young adult, Bacon drifted from city to city, relationship to relationship, picking up a number of useful and artistic skills. He worked as both an interior and furniture designer before beginning his life as a painter. His works are noted for their dark and grotesque qualities.

Bacon tidBits

  • Francis was yet another Bacon of the homosexual persuasion.
  • While living in poverty in Monte Carlo, Bacon found that the reverse side of commercially made art canvas was a better medium for his work.
  • Bacon’s life in Soho was portrayed in both book and film.

Do you love the Grateful Palate? I love the Grateful Palate. Those guys are just genius, overflowing with an abundance of bacon gifts and bacon-of-the-month clubs and delicious goodies. Grateful Palate, I want to be your friend.

This may be my favorite gift item this week. It’s Bacon Toilet Paper, and I would feel like the coolest person alive if this adorned my bathroom the next time I had guests in my home. Just imagine, caring for your tender hiney in this kind of luxury. The cost alone makes it a precious commodity. At $10 a roll, this isn’t the toilet paper you want your toddler or puppy pulling from room to room, making a Hansel & Gretel-style TP trail. It’s the kind of thing you hoard and break out only for special occasions.

Too rich for your buns? Take a look around the Under $30 sections. You can find gifts and nibbles starting at just $3. Although I’m still going to push the toilet paper. Buy a four-pack and it bring the cost down to about $6 a roll. And really, isn’t the cheekiness worth it?

As you may have guessed by, oh I don’t know, maybe my bacon blog, I am a salty person. I like the occasional sweet, but I’m really more about a good cut of meat, a rich pasta sauce or a buttery baked potato. (I must make an exception for ice cream…i could eat chocolate flake ice cream ’til it runs out my ears.) Anyway, I’ve never liked things that were over-sweet, and baklava has certainly never appealed to me. Gives me a toothache just thinking about it.

Amazingly, the genius blogger behind Holy Shitake has found a way to make baklava tempting to the saltiest of us. Maple syrup and lots of bacon make this version even more exotic than the original. You can find the recipe here, and just take a look around her site. Neither a professional cook nor critic, this self-proclaimed “Chinese American Princess” has a knack for finding delicious foods, recipes and products. And I might add, she has a good nose for bacon.

I don’t know about your dad, but mine has some typical father-like qualities. Things like a penchant for shop tools and barbecues and red meat. Although Dad and I don’t agree on how we like our bacon cooked, we both agree that breakfast isn’t breakfast without it. (One of many issues on which we agree on the answer, but not the method.)

So if you’ve got one of those heroic, he-man dads who runs the grill like a pro, get on over to BaconShirts.com and make your dad the bacon apron of your choice. Too tough for an apron? Go for the bacon t-shirt. Unfortunately the bacon underpants only come in women’s sizes. What a rip-off! If there’s one thing a dad likes to get from his kids on Father’s Day, it’s chonies!

So don’t be like me and slack until the last minute, leaving yourself barely enough time to get a card in the mail. Don’t forget, Father’s Day is June 15 and it will be here before you know it!

It must be a wonderful time to be a vegetarian. Beyond the bounty of fresh and exotic produce available year round, there are some great companies out there making tasty meat alternatives. Heck, I’m not a vegetarian and I love St. Ives Veggie Dogs. So we asked our good friend Maurie to give us a review of his favorite bacon alternative. Here’s what he had to say:

Yes, vegetarian bacon! Smart Bacon tastes great and is super easy to make too. It doesn’t curl up or really wind up looking anything at all like the picture on the front of the package. They start off as a clump of stuck together reddish strips that are all one uniform color. As they cook they go from that original red to varying shades of brown. Some people like them over cooked so they are good and crunchy. Some like them slightly undercooked so they are chewy. Both ways are quite tasty.

Hell, you can eat them raw and they are still good.

The only tricky thing about making Smart Bacon is peeling apart the slices without tearing them; for some reason they tend to be easier to peel apart starting from the middle of the pack. Even then some breaks and tears happen. To minimize this try dividing the pack in two and then peel them off from the inside working out. No matter what you do you’ll always wind up with some pieces stuck together and few broken off sides. On the upside, those pieces are great to snack on while making the bacon and to use as testers to check crispiness.

To cook: just put a little olive oil in a skillet and fry until desired level of crispiness is reached. Once cooked place on paper towel to soak up the oil.

Internet, this product has just BLOWN. MY. MIND. I thought it was a joke at first, but no. Indeed this product is real. It’s bacon in a can and it’s found exclusively at MRE Depot. The camouflage can and the description “MRE” bring to mind images of men out camping, perhaps hunting deer. When you’re backpacking into the brush, you don’t want a lot of perishables in your pack. And when you’re hunting wild game, you don’t want the smell of grilling bacon to tip them off to your presence. So of course you need canned bacon. It gives you the protein you need to stay focused on killing poor Bambi’s daddy. (Says the porkaholic.)

The only other reason I can imagine buying canned bacon is for emergency food storage, I guess? Because the Apocalypse just wouldn’t be any fun without it. Nothing but condensed soup and fruit cocktail. (Am I the only person who has an emergency food storage? Apparently full of food I dread?) Some things just do not say “canned” to me…things like sausages and tamales. I can now add bacon to that list. Even though I can’t stop staring at these photos. Just look how shiny the bacon grease makes the waxed paper at the bottom of the can!

This website gives truly step-by-step images of how the bacon looks upon coming out of the can. They are so good, I wanted to put every single picture in this post. Instead I will urge you, nay, beg you to go to the site and check it out. I kid you not, this product has made my Monday morning. And may I just add, God bless America!

This is interesting…a cooking site with a section devoted to telling you not only what you’re doing wrong, but also how to do it right. This instructional video from chow.com about how to cook bacon is right on the money, as far as I’m concerned. I very recently had to teach my husband these very same principles, and he was discouraged to learn that it takes time to make the bacon taste just right.

So do you agree? Do you like your bacon perfectly flat and evenly browned? Or do you prefer it curled and burned in spots? Do you cook it on the stove, or in the oven, or on the grill? I know everyone has their own (sometimes very strong) opinion about these things, and I want to hear yours!